Best of Week: The [Internal] Battle of the Sexes

In class this week, we continued our discussion of Orlando. In the book, the character Orlando underwent its sexual transformation from a male to a female. We came to the conclusion, as a class, that Woolf has much to say about the roles of each gender in society and how we distinguish between sex and gender. Although the discussion became heated at times, many great ideas and important opinions stemmed from the discussion and, for me, ended up giving me a better understanding of Woolf's words.

Of all the things that were said in class, however, there was one point, or question rather, that truly snatched my attention.  "Does every person have [to some degree] a little bit of the opposite gender in them?" I don't think that the question or comment itself was incredibly insightful, but in the context of this book, it was the simplest and one of the most thought-provoking summations of the character I've heard thus far. It was pretty early in the week, so knowing the debates it sparked and the questions and insights that ensued, I would say that this verifies my opinions of its importance.

From the chemical and neurological level to the emotional and "doing" part of our lives, I would say that all of us have some tendencies of the opposite sex. For example, I do my best to be an emotionally attuned and perceptive person. Does this make me more of a woman or simply a better man (or boy, or whatever...you know what I mean)? At the moment, my mother is the primary breadwinner in our household. Does this make her less womanly or my father more feeble? I should think most certainly not. But personal opinions aside, what does society's collective consciousness have to say abou the matter? It would probably say that I'm more gay than the next guy or that my dad isn't strong enough to support our household (when it's really quite the contrary) or that my mother should be home physically putting dinner on the table (despite the fact that she's doing so financially). 
As my English teacher pointed out, in the current day and age, the line—as straight as society's ideal man or woman—that separates the two sexes is becoming a bit less defined. Even though he used the example of walking into a clothing store and not being able to tell which side of the store had men's or women's clothes, I think that this still deems true for many parts of our lives, my family's "breadwinning" situation included.

In the world we live in, I have observed for quite some time now, that everybody has at least little bit of the "other" in them, no matter how masculine a man is or how feminine the woman is. But we have been told, most likely not verbally, that it is how well we suppress these tendencies that defines how sexually pure we are. I think this a bit backward, don't you? According to Orlando, in Orlando, having tendencies of the other sex actually helps us understand and respect that sex more than we might have otherwise. "'Lord! Lord!' she cried again at the conclusion of  her thoughts, 'must I then begin to respect the opinions of the other sex, however monstrous I think it? If I wear skirts, if I can swim, I have to be rescued by a blue-jacket, by God!' she cried, 'I must!'" (115).

I think that it's safe to say that after this week's round of discussion, we all revised our thoughts, to some extent, about what the characteristics of each sex are. I don't know about everyone else, but I went even further to question how tendencies of the opposite sex portray themselves in my life and in the lives of others around me. This provoked the following question: what if everybody were just a little bit more aware of similarities instead of differences? And even if we did notice the differences, how would the world change if people were more accepting of them? At the moment, I'm not completely sure of the answer. But I'll let you know how it goes when I try it.

Carry it Forward: No Man is an Island

No Man is an Island--by John Donne

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee. 

While reading and discussing Orlando this week, I began to think back to poem read among my first days in Academy as a freshman, called No Man is an Island. In the face of rejection by a woman, Orlando in turn rejects the world and retreats back within his own thoughts and words on a page, thus not making himself a "piece of the larger continent, / A part of the main." The fictional character's isolation, and his resulting emotions and insights, made me think hard about what it means to be truly alone and how, if possible, we can incorporate these loners into the larger continent and become part of the main.

High school is no easy place, nor is any school truthfully. Oftentimes I see my peers surrounding themselves with large groups of friends, maybe with whom they may not even be that close, in order to secure their self-esteem. When I see it in passing, hear about it in conversations, and am assaulted as I sense the fickle nature of "friendship" as I walk through a group of mere acquaintances, I can't help but think that what they anchor their security in is the equivalent to a stack of cards or a piece of land where deep fault lines run to and fro, waiting to separate from the larger mass at any point.

 

Yes, I sound bitter and critical toward the norm of our society. That's accurate because I am at certain points. Do I have these particular thoughts EVERY time I walk through a hallway or hear a conversation? Truthfully, the answer is no. However, as I think about my role in a group, which requires me to do the same about the other members of the group, whatever that group that may be, I am constantly trying to estimate to what degree people actually feel a part of that group. After all, that is all a group is: a perception of the degrees of human relationships with others somehow spun so that everybody has a connection with each other, leaving no man or woman, girl or boy, to be an island. 

The dynamic of a group aside, all I wish is for people to be able to experience the love and care that I have been so graciously granted most of my life. I may be saying this with the basis that I don't have a surplus of friends or a multitude of people with whom I can party on every weekend as opposed to what I do have –a small network of people on whom I can depend and act as my hand and footholds as I climb over the many obstacles which life will place in front of me. I have people that every eye contact we make, every word we share, and every moment we spend with one another has a value so great that one couldn't possibly do its nature justice with words, but only by means of laughter and smiles. In hopes of spreading this attractive friendship and wealth of relation to other people, I long ago vowed to myself, and encourage others to do so as well, to involve stragglers dangling off of society's coast to become contributors to the massive and always-growing landmass of relationships. With this in mind, I feel as if I will be landlocked for the rest of my life.